A wave of depression (OK, in the Psalmist’s words, “downcast and disquieted soul”) bowled me over. Think, “stuck,” “prevented,” “held back,” “denied.”
I entertained thoughts that led to a conclusion that I’m not experiencing security, significance, reward, provision in life like I believe I deserve. Like I’m entitled to? Can you relate this to your own circumstances? Maybe like me, you’ve bought in to the conclusion that God’s holding out.
If so, we’re in good company with David and Job as examples:
Psa 42:5 Why4100 art thou cast down,7817 O my soul?5315 and why art thou disquieted1993 in5921 me? hope3176 thou in God:430 for3588 I shall yet5750 praise3034 him for the help3444 of his countenance.6440
Why so depressed and bent low, O my soul? And why are you raging, moaning, clamoring at war inside me? Hope, wait, be patient, remain in God: for I shall yet extend the hand to him for the deliverance that comes face to face.
Pictures behind the Hebrew letters:
Yod = Open hand
Het = Fence
Lamed = Learn
Ron, yes there’s a fence! You are experiencing legitimate longings for what is on the other side. However, God’s hand is open, not closed. To hope means to learn to see His open hand while remaining inside the fence.
Lord, I repent of declaring that You are holding out. You’re not! You must know what I need and I must see it freely offered, not withheld. I have what I need and I’m where you want me. Certainly, my groans and heaviness are valid, for they lead me to the next step of hoping, waiting, tarrying, expecting.
Could it be that my earthly longings are shallow? Maybe my passions are too weak and for the wrong things? Let a strong, roaring passion for heaven draw me to You. With patience from You, I will wait. I will trust. I entwine.